New Year's Resolutions

I make it a point every year to sit down and think about my resolutions for the upcoming and new year. This year I have come up with several resolutions that I think will help me be a better person.

1. This year I will not objectify women - This act is vile and is one that I have been at fault of many many times over the past few years, or if you are counting approximately 16. Years not times. This act comes in many forms whether it be ogling a woman at the supermarket/department store, spanking the ass of a dirty dirty stripper at the gentleman's club, or just plain despicable thoughts about women that you pass on the street or in your workplace. Well this year I will not do any of these things, I have as of the new year sworn off objectification.

2. This year I will not be sloth like and gluttonous - I vow that this year I am going to quit laying around lazily all day on weekends doing nothing but eating hot dogs and sleeping. This resolution will probably be the easiest for me to ascertain due to my ability to no longer sit still for more than 15 minutes, but it was something that I suffered from last year and I vow to follow through with my resolution.

3. This year I will not buy any 24K gold automobiles - A golden car is one thing that has brought me pleasure in the past and even though I have a new job I am not going to fall into that well that many successful young men such as myself do. Buying a solid gold car is expensive but it is worth every penny, seemingly, though over time the gold oxidizes and wears down it is still a magnificent sight. Well 2007 marks the end of my golden car dreams, I am going to purchase exactly -0- 24K gold cars to drive myself around town in. Mark it down!

4. This year I am not going to fly any commercial airliners - I know what you are thinking and yes I have had a problem with this. Not being a pilot myself it has caused many problems for the FAA when I take the controls of one of those sweet machines. True a license has nothing on experience but 2007 is the year that I will let the licensed pilots take me where I need to go!

5. This year I am going to Measure twice and cut Once - An old standard in carpentry circles. Personally I have never liked the time consuming aspect of this parable. True my shelves might not have ended up wolly gagged and lopsided, but I feel that it gives them character. So in the year Aught-Seven I am going to start measuring twice and using the cutting tool once there after.

6. This year I am not going to pretend to be a hotel room inspector, so that I can strike up conversations with smoking hot broads who may or may not be looking for a good time despite what is written in the stall at the Target department store down the road - You know I am going to go ahead and say that I have this all but wrapped up as a successful resolution since I sold my hotel room inspector's uniform. Well you still have to write these things down or you can't hold yourself accountable.

7. No more party in my pants jokes - As funny as they may be I am swearing off of them for good. They tend to make people uncomfortable and cause others to slap you when used when referencing them. Well no more in 2007.

Those were my resolutions for 2007 and I hope to be successful in my attempts to better myself. I also hope that the bettering of myself rubs off on my friends CyberD, Dagromm and Gyuss.

Good Luck to me and go 2007!