Funny Article From the Onion

Wikipedia Celebrates 750 Years Of American Independence
Founding Fathers, Patriots, Mr. T. Honored
July 26, 2006 | Issue 42•30

NEW YORK—Wikipedia, the online, reader-edited encyclopedia, honored the 750th anniversary of American independence on July 25 with a special featured section on its main page Tuesday.

Enlarge Image

Three girls march toward the White House on Elm St. in Washington, DC, as part of the Inderpendance Day Parade.
"It would have been a major oversight to ignore this portentous anniversary," said Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales, whose site now boasts over 4,300,000 articles in multiple languages, over one-quarter of which are in English, including 11,000 concerning popular toys of the 1980s alone. "At 750 years, the U.S. is by far the world's oldest surviving democracy, and is certainly deserving of our recognition," Wales said. "According to our database, that's 212 years older than the Eiffel Tower, 347 years older than the earliest-known woolly-mammoth fossil, and a full 493 years older than the microwave oven."

"In fact," added Wales, "at three-quarters of a millennium, the USA has been around almost as long as technology."

The commemorative page is one of the most detailed on the site, rivaling entries for Firefly and the Treaty Of Algeron for sheer length. Subheadings include "Origins Of Colonial Discontent," "Some Famous Guys In Wigs And Three-Cornered Hats," and "Christmastime In Gettysburg." It also features detailed maps of the original colonies—including Narnia, the central ice deserts, and Westeros—as well as profiles of famous American historical figures such as Benjamin Franklin, Special Agent Jack Bauer, and Samuel Adams who is also a defensive tackle for the Cincinnati Bengals.

"On July 25, 1256, delegates gathered at Comerica Park to sign the Declaration Of Independence, which rejected the rule of the British over its 15 coastal North American colonies," reads an excerpt from the entry. "Little did such founding fathers as George Washington, George Jefferson, and ***ERIC IS A FAG*** know that their small, querulous republic would later become the most powerful and prosperous nation in history, the Unified States Of America."


"All our lives, we are taught about the achievements of Washington, Jefferson, and FAG, but we seldom consider the factors and conditions that led them to risk everything for a republican cause," Wales said. "What was it really like to be a patriot in those times? How did the colonists' perception of democracy conform and contrast with our modern one? Did Betsy Ross, as legend has it, really have the biggest boobies in the New World? It's these types of questions I want Wikipedia to be a forum for, all at the click of a mouse."

The exhaustive entry also includes links to video clips of the First Thanksgiving, hosted by YouTube.

The special anniversary tribute refutes many myths about the period and American history. According to the entry, the American Revolution was in fact instigated by Chuck Norris, who incinerated the Stamp Act by looking at it, then roundhouse-kicked the entire British army into the Atlantic Ocean. A group of Massachusetts Minutemaids then unleashed the zombie-generating T-Virus on London, crippling the British economy and severely limiting its naval capabilities.

The entry also addresses several traditionally taboo subjects, such as the influence of LSD on the drafting of the Constitution and the role of funk-slaves in painting the White House black.

While other news and information websites chose to mark the anniversary in a muted fashion, if at all, Wikipedia gave it prominent emphasis over other important historical events from the same day, including the independence of the nation of Africa in 1847, the 1984 ascension of Constantine to Emperor of the Holy Roman Emperor, and the 1998 birth of Smokey, a calico cat belonging to Mark and Becky Rousch of Erie, PA.

Founder Wales, a closeted homosexual and hot-dog freak, according to his user-edited bio on the site, also hosted a symposium of amateur historians at the New School in New York on Saturday.

"The Revolution's main adversaries were the patriots and the people from Braveheart," said speaker Tim Capodice, who has edited hundreds of Wikipedia entries on subjects as diverse as Euclidian geometry and Ratfucking. "The patriots, being a rag-tag group of misfits, almost lost on several occasions. But after a string of military antics and a convoluted scheme involving chicken feathers and an inflatable woman, the British were eventually defeated despite a last-minute surge, by a score of 89-87."

Despite spirited discussions bloggers present later described as "eluminating" and "sweet," the symposium was cut short when differences of opinion among the panelists degenerated into personal insults and name-calling.

While Wikipedia's "American Inderpendance" page remains available to all site visitors, administrators have suspended additions and further edits to its content due to vandalism.

Here is my recent conversation with BotD moderator it amused me so I thought I would share it.

Q said...
Can I nominate myself cause I think that I am blogtastic! and a little selfish.

Love,
Q

If so it would be for

http://the-qs-corner.blogspot.com/2006/07/straight-up-yo-i-am-ballin-outrageous.html

If I cannot then I nominate the internet love of my life, Karolina Lassbo for her awesomely great blog

http://karolinalassbo.blogspot.com/

8:08 PM


Famous Quotations said...
Q - You can nominate yourself - but you already won. We will take a look at Karolina Lassbo's site.

Thank you,

8:15 AM


Famous Quotations said...
Sorry,

I can't read Swedish - will have to ask my friend from Sweden to translate when I next see him.

8:27 AM


Q said...
I can't read swedish either.

9:57 AM


Famous Quotations said...
Oh, I guess I did not understand. I thought she (Karolina Lassbo) was your girlfriend.

I did not catch

"internet love of my life,"

I guess it does not have to be translated, eh, "the language of love?"

12:39 PM

Tatyana Golovin

Holy S@#t! I was just watching some hot WTA action on ESPN2 in High Def on my 65 inch Big Screen TV and man has that chick grown into her face. She is now reaching toward the point of I'd hit it. Not that I wouldn't have before but now I definitly would. Ok, so I guess that I would have before, but now I would enjoy it more. Fine, so I would have enjoyed it before, but now I would tell my friends about it. Damn it! you got me, I would have told my friends about it before, but now I would video tape it. You got me again, I would have taped it before, but now.... Eff me, anyways she is hotter now than before.

Sorry guys there are no recent pics

F@#K American Airlines

So my flight to Chi-Town got canceled....4 times, thrice tonight once in the morning. I finally got a refund on airline tickets and hotel rooms I hate traveling. Gonna go go relieve some travel stress and by that I mean I am going to go jerk it, hardcore nasty like.

Love,
Q

For you Gyuss

Kinky Friedman was at Austin College yesterday!

Jeremy "Perv"en?

Ok so the first pic is of Jeremy Piven at his birthday with Lindsey Lohan. He is giving her the ol' hand behind the back crotch out hug, not that I blame him. But Damn! be a little more discrete. The other pics are of Lohan at the same party, try and guess what is odd about those pics to me. Just a hint doesn't involve me masterbating.

What did Q's blog say to the...

I'm Blog of the Day Biatch!!!!

Anyways, Gyuss how do you deal with those veggie burgers? Man those things are awful, not tasting but trying to digest them. Wow, I feel sorry for the people that are going to be on the plane with me tonight.

As to seem less gay I will post here that it was great to hang out with all you guys and to interact with you Gyuss for an extended period of time. Man do I long for the good old days, when I did not have a job and hung out at Dag's shop all day or had inter-galactic battles on the second floor of Abel with CyberD. Good Times....Good Times.

that is all for now......love Q

As Per Gyuss's Recommendation

I tried the veggie burger from Burger King. I must say that if you put enough ketchup and mustard on it you can't even taste the veggie patty. Although it wasn't that bad even without the gobs of condiments. Tonight I am going to enjoy one with an ass load of bbq sauce, the same way I eat my chicken sandwiches.

Thought this was funny!

A Little Piece of Me Died Today

This morning I came in and was internetting around, and came upon one of the most disturbing things that I could have possibly seen.... The Sugarlicious Chronicles, one of my favorite blogs, has seemingly gone the way of the buffalo. This saddens me deeply, so I may not blog for a few days or hours to morn the loss. I hope everyone got to read it before it was gone. It was probably the best blog EVER!

Straight Up, Yo, I am Ballin' Outrageous

How often does a man get to say that in his life? For me it is not enough. I go through my daily routine, rarely wavering and keeping within the constructs that I have set for variance. Not once could I say that I am ballin' much less outrageous ballin'. So yesterday I decided I would try to, you know, do some out of control ballin'. First of all I went to lunch and instead of my normal eating establishment I entered the dark realm of the steakhouse, or to most of us, an overpriced Chili's. So at the eatery I ordered an entrée that came with a salad, I also upgraded that salad to a Caesar, 'cause that is what us ballers do. I also asked for a side of honey mustard with my meal, out of control! When I was done eating I asked for drink in a to go cup, SNAP! The waiter brought it to me and said damn son you are kickin' it fierce. I replied to him with a head nod and threw up the V and left. Normally I would have shafted said waiter on his tip to make up the difference on the salad but not today, I left the guy 20%; Respect. So next I headed across the road to the movie theatre, and saw Clerks Deuce. I got a large drink, it was only 40 cents more, which is nothin' for a baller of my caliber. I also upgraded my popcorn; and added some butter. The girl working the counter shot me a glance, gasped for some air and said "Oh my God, you are making me woozy with you out of control Ballin'". I responded "Sorry honey I am just trying to keep it real". She looked at me all confused, so I just threw up the V and went into my theatre. After the movie I went into the rest room relieved myself of the large cola and washed the greasy butter off my hands. I then decided that a baller would stop there but I am out of control today so a double feature was in my future. I bought my ticket to You, Me and Dupree, got another large soda and went to find my seat. Normally this double feature would be on the house but not today, I paid for both tickets; Outrageous! So while sitting there waiting for the movie to start a fine young thing entered into the room, walked halfway up the isle and looked around. I then recognized her as the girl that I stalked from the gym. Normally I would have just sat there and stared at her, moving seats every few minutes to get closer so that I could lean up during the movie and smell her. But today I put away my shyness and said her name, she waved and came and sat by me. My mind was racing; is it this fucking easy? Why have I not tried this before? She will come sit by me if a little interest is shown? My world was all turned around at this point, I had approximately 15 minutes 'til the movie started and she was sitting next to me talking to me. I did not even have to move seats to navigate the theatre to smell her; this was fucking fantastic; out of control! So after the movie I asked her to go eat dinner she obliged and we went to the same place that I had eaten lunch. I sat in the bar and had the same waiter that I had at lunch. He called me Fresh and did the fist bump when he walked up to the table. I am sure that this impressed the lady since we all know that the ladies love it when a man is ballin' outrageous. I ordered the steak, chicken fried, and got my salad, Caesar. She took a minute to order 'cause she was so taken aback by my upfront outrageous ballin'. After the meal the check was brought to the table, she offered to pay for hers. I told her that a lady should never have to pay for a meal, winked and took care of the check. She seemingly fainted in the booth at my attempts at outrageous ballin'. We walked out after, D-lo the waiter came and picked up the check and brought me a to go cup, called me Fresh and once again fist bumped. We talked all the way to the car; I said "See ya later". She said "Do you want my number?” Not wanting her to know that I had already looked her up in the phonebook to see where she lived and if she was married, I replied "Sure". "I had a good" she said. "Me too" came out of my mouth before she could finish. Some more small talk occurred and then some lunch plans made. I hopped in the Tahoe, and thought to myself hmm that was way too easy. Then I noticed D-lo walking to his car, he said thanks Fresh, I assume referring to his tip. I said "No problem". "That is a nice Tahoe" he yelled. I said "Straight up, Yo, I am Ballin' Outrageous". He replied the only way he could "Word".

I Think That I Am In Love with Mary-Louise Parker

There is a Newsradio marathon on Nick-at-Nite right now, man that is a good show. I guess I am going to have to sleep at work tomorrow because there is no way that I am sleeping tonight. I played in a Warhammer 40k 12 person battle on Sunday, each person only had 500 points, it was split up 6 on 6 and the game lasted for over 4 hours. If you have ever played 40k you should really try a battle of that size and if you don't, I recommend it what a great game. So I found out yesterday that the girl at the gym that I was stalking works at the bank's drive through, next to my office. What are the odds, now I can stare at her from the comfort of my desk. How convenient for me huh? I ate at Skoots and Hooters this weekend and I have to say that Skoots won hands down on both food and waiting staff. That's all for now, there will be more incoherent babble on my next installment.

City girls just seem to find out early.

So I was wondering around the metropolis of Bonham yesterday and stumbled by the monthly white trash extravaganza know as Second Monday Trades Days. I found amongst other things an exhorbanant amount of old car parts and cheap knives. I also found an 8 foot by sixteen foot floor rug with a pattern that was described on the tag as, are you ready for this? A Confederate Flag like design. So hanging up on a clothes line between 2 trees was a humongus Rebel Flag. I thought to my self how would I ever be able to get this thing home, just kidding, but seriously I wondered what human being in their right mind would buy a giant rebel flag print area rug. After walking around a little more and recovering from the consciousness of horrendous BO, my questions were answered. A gentleman who was driving a 1970's orange and yellow Chevy van with a print on the side of wild horses running through the open range was loading the rug up on the top of the van. The man was in his mid to late 40's, was missing some of his teeth and had a thin beard that was exceptional long for the total amount of hair that was present. I overheard him tell the merchant, who sold him the priceless art piece, that he was going to put it in the living room of his doublewide trailer. How fitting I think that I chuckled a little too loud as both men looked at me as I put my head down and shuffled off as to avoid confrontation. So the next time you are out driving around and see a product that you wonder who might want to purchase this, and you have a real good idea what the answer is. Go with your gut, it is usually right.

Just think in the time that you spend reading this you could have done something productive!

But, since you are here. I was thinking the other day about death and what not. I got really freaked out at the thought of suicide and murder. I pictured a gun in my mouth grinding against my mouth roof and it really gave me chills, this was just a thought mind you I did not have a gun in my mouth or even with in reach. I was also thinking about if I actually had to kill someone could I do it? I came to the conclusion that I am a gigantic vaj and could not. Anyways, in thinking about this I have determined that I could not kill a man, myself and I would have a hard time killing an animal. Am I groing a vagina? Do other people suffer from this(the killing thing not groing vaginas)? I also tend to worry about traffic accidents and if I ran into someone and they died; I don't think I could take it.

I was thinking about my doorbell

When was the last time that you where able to go for an extended period of time with no sleep? Mine was this weekend, thanks to some hot unadulterated World Cup Soccer action, I was forced to be awake at 11 am on Saturday. Normally that would not be a problem, though I do enjoy sleeping in on weekends, but on Friday night I stayed out at a Casino until 7 am. I got home took a shower and went straight to bed setting my alarm for 11. I actually awoke to the consistant tones of my alarm and readied myself for Soccer. After 5 hours that can only be described as heartbreaking, I logged on to my favorite mmorpg just to see who was online. Luckily there were several of my friends hanging around so we set up a quick group, with one my friends naval buddies and that guys wife. My friends naval buddy has to be the wierdest sounding guy ever but his wife has the sultriest female voice and you could just sit and listen to her talk for hours. After the group wiped several times we were forced to let another unsuspecting idiot in on the action. The guy that we let in was a total tool, but allowed for some comic relief between the two of us that weren't married when he kept trying to get all up in the female. This was funny because he did not know that the other two were married or that we are all in the same guild and could constantly chat about what a tool he was. Anyways, we ran a mission that we have ran a few times before but this time found a little exploit in that you can run through one of the missions and get a 10% bonus if you don't kill anything and just get to the other side, you can then recall out and redo it at no loss to expierience. So needless to say my friend and I were forced to stay up all night and repeat this until we could no longer function, because with our luck they will pull this out of the game and then we would have been pissed that we knew and did not take advantage. So I was able to go to sleep for about 20 minutes before I had to take a shower and head to the big semiannual poker tournament held every 4 months. Needless to say I did not do to well at poker, though I lost a huge pot to a guy who I am convinced can barely read. I have a 4/5 of clubs and am in the big blind. The only other person in the hand was in the small blind. The flop was 6/7 of clubs and an 8 of spades, with 4 to the flush and a straight I decide go all in. At this point I can cover anyone on the table with chips so it is not an easy decision for them to make for a draw, but I felt the need to do this because I had the low end of the straight and did not want anyone drawing out on me. He called with an Ace/9 of spades. I will repeat the for those of you who play poker and think that I might have misstyped and Ace/9 of spades. He has a straight draw and an outside chance at the flush, with the straight showing not really a call that you should make. So the turn was a spade and the river was, you guessed it a spade to pretty much end my night. I was not the same player after that, oddly enough 2 hands later the guy who was right behind me in chips went all in with an Ace/7 with Ace/7/4 showing. So the same guy that had called me, called him but this time he had a monster hand of 4/6 offsuit. So with low pair on the board he called an all in that had him covered. So twice he called an all in with an ass hand that could have ended his tournament. The turn was a 6 and the river was a 4 giving him a full house and beating the guy who had aces and sevens. So with a huge chip lead he limped in to second place by never playing another hand. What a weekend!