Straight Up, Yo, I am Ballin' Outrageous

How often does a man get to say that in his life? For me it is not enough. I go through my daily routine, rarely wavering and keeping within the constructs that I have set for variance. Not once could I say that I am ballin' much less outrageous ballin'. So yesterday I decided I would try to, you know, do some out of control ballin'. First of all I went to lunch and instead of my normal eating establishment I entered the dark realm of the steakhouse, or to most of us, an overpriced Chili's. So at the eatery I ordered an entrée that came with a salad, I also upgraded that salad to a Caesar, 'cause that is what us ballers do. I also asked for a side of honey mustard with my meal, out of control! When I was done eating I asked for drink in a to go cup, SNAP! The waiter brought it to me and said damn son you are kickin' it fierce. I replied to him with a head nod and threw up the V and left. Normally I would have shafted said waiter on his tip to make up the difference on the salad but not today, I left the guy 20%; Respect. So next I headed across the road to the movie theatre, and saw Clerks Deuce. I got a large drink, it was only 40 cents more, which is nothin' for a baller of my caliber. I also upgraded my popcorn; and added some butter. The girl working the counter shot me a glance, gasped for some air and said "Oh my God, you are making me woozy with you out of control Ballin'". I responded "Sorry honey I am just trying to keep it real". She looked at me all confused, so I just threw up the V and went into my theatre. After the movie I went into the rest room relieved myself of the large cola and washed the greasy butter off my hands. I then decided that a baller would stop there but I am out of control today so a double feature was in my future. I bought my ticket to You, Me and Dupree, got another large soda and went to find my seat. Normally this double feature would be on the house but not today, I paid for both tickets; Outrageous! So while sitting there waiting for the movie to start a fine young thing entered into the room, walked halfway up the isle and looked around. I then recognized her as the girl that I stalked from the gym. Normally I would have just sat there and stared at her, moving seats every few minutes to get closer so that I could lean up during the movie and smell her. But today I put away my shyness and said her name, she waved and came and sat by me. My mind was racing; is it this fucking easy? Why have I not tried this before? She will come sit by me if a little interest is shown? My world was all turned around at this point, I had approximately 15 minutes 'til the movie started and she was sitting next to me talking to me. I did not even have to move seats to navigate the theatre to smell her; this was fucking fantastic; out of control! So after the movie I asked her to go eat dinner she obliged and we went to the same place that I had eaten lunch. I sat in the bar and had the same waiter that I had at lunch. He called me Fresh and did the fist bump when he walked up to the table. I am sure that this impressed the lady since we all know that the ladies love it when a man is ballin' outrageous. I ordered the steak, chicken fried, and got my salad, Caesar. She took a minute to order 'cause she was so taken aback by my upfront outrageous ballin'. After the meal the check was brought to the table, she offered to pay for hers. I told her that a lady should never have to pay for a meal, winked and took care of the check. She seemingly fainted in the booth at my attempts at outrageous ballin'. We walked out after, D-lo the waiter came and picked up the check and brought me a to go cup, called me Fresh and once again fist bumped. We talked all the way to the car; I said "See ya later". She said "Do you want my number?” Not wanting her to know that I had already looked her up in the phonebook to see where she lived and if she was married, I replied "Sure". "I had a good" she said. "Me too" came out of my mouth before she could finish. Some more small talk occurred and then some lunch plans made. I hopped in the Tahoe, and thought to myself hmm that was way too easy. Then I noticed D-lo walking to his car, he said thanks Fresh, I assume referring to his tip. I said "No problem". "That is a nice Tahoe" he yelled. I said "Straight up, Yo, I am Ballin' Outrageous". He replied the only way he could "Word".