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Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
In the den of iniquity there are still monks...
I went to visit CyberD and Lil' Magnum this weekend at Casa de CyberD.
His butler answered the door, "Master Q, may I take your coat?".
"No, I am not wearing one", I replied as he touched me in a way that I felt was inappropriate.
He asked if I would like to see CyberD or if I would be needing to use the water closet. Still shocked from his previous actions, I told him that I would need to use the facilities. Little did I know that he would stand and watch me whilst I was partaking of the exquisite craftsmanship of CyberD Manor. When I was done, he washed my hands, nether region and neck, and then caressed my hands with lotion.
Finally I was allowed entrance to the main hall of CyberD's abode. CyberD was sitting in a large leather highback with a pipe in his left hand and the tape from his ticker tape machine in his right. Lil' Magnum was laying in the floor balancing his checkbook. CyberD offered me a monogrammed smoking jacket like the ones that he and magnum were wearing, I refused. I am not much of a smoker. I asked him why wasn't Mags watching some TV or something. Both he and Magnum burst into laughter as if I had just told the most amusing story ever. I was serious, Lil' Magnum is only 2 most 2 year olds play with toys and what not or watch TV. Once they recovered from hysteria, they offered me some breakfast. It was maybe the best eggs Benedict I ever eaten. After breakfast, Lord CyberD, as he asked to be referred to from this point on, put down Lil' magnum for his afternoon nap on a king size bed with mahogany headboard in possibly the most ornate bedroom I have ever seen for a child.
He is my heir Lord CyberD said as he noticed me looking around the room in awe. When CyberD's first born son was asleep he asked if I wanted to maybe play a game, chess, bridge, canasta, soggy biscuit..."What" I asked.
"Canasta?" he responded quizically.
"No, soggy biscuit."
"Oh that is a little game I learned in college" Lord CyberD enlightened me.
We can get my chef to make a batch of biscuits if you want.
"Sure" I said, not really knowing what I was getting myself into.
After the biscuits were cooked, the chef brought one to us on a plate that was made in the 1800's in England, a very rare specimen I was informed. I am not much of an antiquer so I can't help a whole lot with a description. The butler informed CyberD that he would like to participate, apparently he knew what this game was. I felt ignorant, even the butler knows. How did I not have any clue what this game was, I love games. I own a bunch of them. Well let me just say that this game is unlike any I have ever played, as was evident when Lord CyberD asked if I needed and aids.
"Aids for what?" I asked.
"The game, silly" he retorted as if to imply my stupidity.
"I guess not" I heard myself utter as the shock set in. At this point Lord CyberD and his butler were undoing their pants and positioning themselves over the plated biscuit.
I was at a complete loss, how to get out of this mess.
"There is no way I can play right now CyberD"
"Lord CyberD" he interrupted.
"Yeah, sorry Lord CyberD. I did that on my way here"
It came out before I could think about what I was thinking, I am not good on the fly, as was evident by my statement. "I understand, I do that on my way to the office every day" Lord CyberD remarked, apparently not thinking that I don't have a driver to carry me to the office like he does.
I came up with an excuse to get out of there, before any mental images could be burned in. CyberD said he was sad to see me go, but I am welcome back anytime. "Thanks" I yelled, as I ran to my car.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Sometimes even Big Dirty cries...
So I went to see my grandmother today. Normally this is not that big of a deal except that grandmother-Q is in a nursing/old folks home. These places are always sad to me, but now they are even more so because when I go there I see my grandmother as a tired, drugged up, old woman.
I know that she is 90 years old, but when she was at her home 3 months ago she did not look this bad. I also know that when she was in the hospital for a bout with anemia 2 months ago she did not look this bad. Another thing that I am certain of is that she does not want to be there one bit.
My father and I have had this discussion before and he wants her home too. When she is at her home my Dad has to take care of her, there are nurses that come and stay with her at night and cook and clean her and for her. My Dad basically takes her out for rides in the truck, so she is not couped up in the house all day and does the things like grocery shopping and the like. My Aunt for some reason wants her in this "home", and will not sign off on letting her come to her real home.
At 90, I have come to the realization that I will not get to have her around for that many more years, which is why I go by to see her as much as I can. I admit it is more inconvenient for me to drive where she is now as opposed to her being close by, but I make the trek at least once a week to stop by and see her. This is not about me though, it is about what they do to old people in these places.
Why do they give the sedatives? To make it easier on them, or to make it easier on the employees, who knows. What I am sure of is that I am tired of going to see my grandmother and having her tell me these outlandish stories about what these people do to her. I know that she is not abused there but she wants to come home, that is why she makes this stuff up. It is why she cries when I tell her I need to leave and I can't take her with me. I want to, so much, but I do not have any say in where she lives. I tell her that but she doesn't understand so she cries, it hurts my insides because she has done so much for me throughout my life and now I am unable to do anything for her. I guess my Dad and I will keep trying to talk my aunt into letting her come home, maybe one day we will get lucky and she will give in. I love you Mimi, I know you can't read this but I just wanted it out there. Sorry to get serious on everyone, I just needed to get that out.
Luckily tonight I got to talk to Fringes and that brightened up my afternoon/night...Thanks Fringes
I know that she is 90 years old, but when she was at her home 3 months ago she did not look this bad. I also know that when she was in the hospital for a bout with anemia 2 months ago she did not look this bad. Another thing that I am certain of is that she does not want to be there one bit.
My father and I have had this discussion before and he wants her home too. When she is at her home my Dad has to take care of her, there are nurses that come and stay with her at night and cook and clean her and for her. My Dad basically takes her out for rides in the truck, so she is not couped up in the house all day and does the things like grocery shopping and the like. My Aunt for some reason wants her in this "home", and will not sign off on letting her come to her real home.
At 90, I have come to the realization that I will not get to have her around for that many more years, which is why I go by to see her as much as I can. I admit it is more inconvenient for me to drive where she is now as opposed to her being close by, but I make the trek at least once a week to stop by and see her. This is not about me though, it is about what they do to old people in these places.
Why do they give the sedatives? To make it easier on them, or to make it easier on the employees, who knows. What I am sure of is that I am tired of going to see my grandmother and having her tell me these outlandish stories about what these people do to her. I know that she is not abused there but she wants to come home, that is why she makes this stuff up. It is why she cries when I tell her I need to leave and I can't take her with me. I want to, so much, but I do not have any say in where she lives. I tell her that but she doesn't understand so she cries, it hurts my insides because she has done so much for me throughout my life and now I am unable to do anything for her. I guess my Dad and I will keep trying to talk my aunt into letting her come home, maybe one day we will get lucky and she will give in. I love you Mimi, I know you can't read this but I just wanted it out there. Sorry to get serious on everyone, I just needed to get that out.
Luckily tonight I got to talk to Fringes and that brightened up my afternoon/night...Thanks Fringes
Friday, January 19, 2007
__ Years ago I...
25 years ago I... was a year old. I was born after my parents had been married for quite a while. I am also an only child because my Dad figured that he couldn’t deal with my Mom and another child. My Dad was pretty old when I was born, but he is a really cool/good Dad. I remember nothing.
20 years ago I... was 6 years old. I was in first grade, and had a best friend named Adam. I got my first pair of Air Jordan’s this year, the Air Jordan I’s. I think I can chronicle my life through my footwear, I really love shoes. I also wore Converse All Stars and would mix the colors, kind of like Punky Brewster; she was pretty big back then.
15 years ago I... was 11. I was in 5th grade and my best friend was Cliff. That was my least favorite year in elementary school. My teacher's name was Mrs. F. My friend Cliff moved away that year and it was like I had to start over with friendships, I had friends just none that I was as close to like Senior Cliff. Plus his Dad owned the Golden Corral so we ate there every Friday, I loved that place. My locker partner from that year used to go to the gym that I went to last year, it was fun to talk with him and reminisce about the good old days.
10 years ago I... was 16. I was filled with all kinds of hormonal rage. I was still running my mouth in football practice and still getting my ass lit up because of it. Luckily I had learned not to do this when I was not protected by pads or a whistle. I had a great truck this year, it was a red 89 Chevy step side. My friend and I took it over a ravine that had a ridge that launched us up in the air, which was great we were like those two guys from the Dukes of Hazzard, except that we weren’t kin and neither of us had a cousin that was smoking hot or an uncle that made moonshine. This was one of my happiest times.
5 years ago I... was 21. I was a year behind in college because my social ability over ran my student ability. Man did I go to some ragin’ parties this year. My friend Daniel pledged a fraternity, and had to take some cat tranquilizers and stand on a table naked as long as he could, what an idiot. My friend CyberD still worked at AC and we would go to lunch a few times a week. Man these were good times.
3 years ago I... was 23. I had graduated college a year before and I was in grad school at this point. CyberD was still in grad school and we would hang out a lot. These were good years too. I have had more good than bad years I think, but that might be attributed to my personality some would say. My student ability was more overpowering at this point, I holding down a 4.0 gpa in grad school.
1 year ago I... was 25. I started grad school at Colorado State University, go RAMS! Everything is still good I am just enjoying my life, or as one person once said about me “Livin’ the dream”. I get to hang out with my friends CyberD and Dagromm on a semi regular basis and that is good. I started my extreme workout program to add muscle and lose fat, so far so good.
So far this year I... am still at CSU, go RAMS! The year just started but everything seems to be going well…
Yesterday I... had a really good relaxing day. I did my fitness in the morning, went to work and hung out for 8 hours. I went to a friend of mine’s place and we went to a local Tex-Mex restaurant, I ate nachos (man I love unhealthy food). I came home and watched Earl, The Office, The OC, Real World/Road Rules Challenge, then a triple feature of But I’m a Cheerleader, Four Brothers and Pootie Tang. I love Pootie Tang, that movie just cracks me up.
Today I... am at work, again. I will blog until 11:45, go eat lunch, then come back and kill time until my meeting at 3 pm. Tonight I am feeling like catching up on my rented movies so I am going to watch Petey Wheatstraw the Devil’s Son in Law, reviews to come.
Tomorrow I will... sleep until noon, get my fitness on and then probably not put on any pants until about 4 when I go get something to eat.
In the next year I will… Probably more of the same…
In the next minute I will... try to go find something to deaden the boredom, I am thinking a donut…
20 years ago I... was 6 years old. I was in first grade, and had a best friend named Adam. I got my first pair of Air Jordan’s this year, the Air Jordan I’s. I think I can chronicle my life through my footwear, I really love shoes. I also wore Converse All Stars and would mix the colors, kind of like Punky Brewster; she was pretty big back then.
15 years ago I... was 11. I was in 5th grade and my best friend was Cliff. That was my least favorite year in elementary school. My teacher's name was Mrs. F. My friend Cliff moved away that year and it was like I had to start over with friendships, I had friends just none that I was as close to like Senior Cliff. Plus his Dad owned the Golden Corral so we ate there every Friday, I loved that place. My locker partner from that year used to go to the gym that I went to last year, it was fun to talk with him and reminisce about the good old days.
10 years ago I... was 16. I was filled with all kinds of hormonal rage. I was still running my mouth in football practice and still getting my ass lit up because of it. Luckily I had learned not to do this when I was not protected by pads or a whistle. I had a great truck this year, it was a red 89 Chevy step side. My friend and I took it over a ravine that had a ridge that launched us up in the air, which was great we were like those two guys from the Dukes of Hazzard, except that we weren’t kin and neither of us had a cousin that was smoking hot or an uncle that made moonshine. This was one of my happiest times.
5 years ago I... was 21. I was a year behind in college because my social ability over ran my student ability. Man did I go to some ragin’ parties this year. My friend Daniel pledged a fraternity, and had to take some cat tranquilizers and stand on a table naked as long as he could, what an idiot. My friend CyberD still worked at AC and we would go to lunch a few times a week. Man these were good times.
3 years ago I... was 23. I had graduated college a year before and I was in grad school at this point. CyberD was still in grad school and we would hang out a lot. These were good years too. I have had more good than bad years I think, but that might be attributed to my personality some would say. My student ability was more overpowering at this point, I holding down a 4.0 gpa in grad school.
1 year ago I... was 25. I started grad school at Colorado State University, go RAMS! Everything is still good I am just enjoying my life, or as one person once said about me “Livin’ the dream”. I get to hang out with my friends CyberD and Dagromm on a semi regular basis and that is good. I started my extreme workout program to add muscle and lose fat, so far so good.
So far this year I... am still at CSU, go RAMS! The year just started but everything seems to be going well…
Yesterday I... had a really good relaxing day. I did my fitness in the morning, went to work and hung out for 8 hours. I went to a friend of mine’s place and we went to a local Tex-Mex restaurant, I ate nachos (man I love unhealthy food). I came home and watched Earl, The Office, The OC, Real World/Road Rules Challenge, then a triple feature of But I’m a Cheerleader, Four Brothers and Pootie Tang. I love Pootie Tang, that movie just cracks me up.
Today I... am at work, again. I will blog until 11:45, go eat lunch, then come back and kill time until my meeting at 3 pm. Tonight I am feeling like catching up on my rented movies so I am going to watch Petey Wheatstraw the Devil’s Son in Law, reviews to come.
Tomorrow I will... sleep until noon, get my fitness on and then probably not put on any pants until about 4 when I go get something to eat.
In the next year I will… Probably more of the same…
In the next minute I will... try to go find something to deaden the boredom, I am thinking a donut…
Thursday, January 18, 2007
I think I am hooked on...
The MTV reality show Rob and Big. I have now seen every episode plus the Rob and Big's 5 favorite moments of season 1. I am hooked, they got me. I actually enjoy the show and I laugh at their grade school humor. It is a funny very non-serious show which I can seem to enjoy for its intent. The Rob character is funny and a great counter to the Christopher "Big Black" Boykins. Consequently Big is a great counter to Rob, they work very well as a team. Probably not as funny apart but the 2 of them just gel and work on camera. My favorite moment is obviously the 'Ridin Dirty scene, when RnB get pulled over by the Los Angeles PD for having too dark of a window tinting on their ride. All in all I would have to say check it out, for a rating I will give it an A-Let me also say that I also watch the Suite Life of Zac and Cody regularly, to give you some sort of basis for my TV viewing habits. At some point I will write an article about my TV show selectioning.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a blogment today...
When I was writing about the friendship circle involving CyberD, Dagromm and Gyuss it got to thinking about how many friends I had in college that I do not talk to anymore.
One of the guys that I hung out with, I haven't spoken to since my second semester of grad school, he moved to H-Town and out of my life forever.
Another person we'll call Ad-Roc moved to Cow Town and then to the mountains of Colorado to live out his dream of restoring pianos, my jealousy of him is overwhelming. I have never thought about being a craftsman, but restoring pianos is quirky enough that I might have actually enjoyed it. I have refinished an antique desk that was my grandfathers and built some caddywompus shelves from scratch with no planning or measurement, other than that I am really lacking in the experience department for piano restoration. Consequently my friend hand made fly fishing rods, built the rig to do that and downloaded hours of hardcore pornography for me while we were in school together, what a great/talented guy. He had a bit of a temper though, one night when we were coming back from a raucous college party we ran into this girl he was dating and some other dude, Ad-Roc being a quick thinker focused all of his rage onto a tree instead of the guys face. He destroyed his hand and to this day you can see the effects of that night in front of the SUB. Of course he is also the guy that urinated on/in this one guys car in the parking lot, it was a convertible, because the guy had made some snide remarks in an English class Ad-Roc was taking and Ad-Roc was drunk enough to do something about it.
For all the excitement that he and I had, many of our hours of hanging out were spent on the front porch of his house on South Gribble. We were affectionately known as the two retired gentlemen in the CS department. People would come by and sit a while and leave while we rocked away in a couple of chairs that Ad-Roc had made in his spare time, discussing the fact that he thought Henry Rollins was better looking than the guy from Coldplay or I would hve to defned my stance that Dido did not have a gigantic head compared to the rest of her body. Once a guy on a bicycle did some sort of crazy trick and fell on the street in front of his house, of course we laughed at him. For some reason this made the guy walk up to us and ask for a beer, my friend obliged. The guy then proceeded to tell us that he just got out of prison and was trying to find Spanky's Private Club. We pointed him on his way and watched the somewhat inebriated felon teeter down the street. A day after that one of Ad-Roc's roommates car got broken into, she was not happy when we told her about our felonious friend, speculating that it might have been him. I still speak to Ad-Roc from time to time but not as much as we did in college, man do I miss those days...
Just Reminiscing,
Q
One of the guys that I hung out with, I haven't spoken to since my second semester of grad school, he moved to H-Town and out of my life forever.
Another person we'll call Ad-Roc moved to Cow Town and then to the mountains of Colorado to live out his dream of restoring pianos, my jealousy of him is overwhelming. I have never thought about being a craftsman, but restoring pianos is quirky enough that I might have actually enjoyed it. I have refinished an antique desk that was my grandfathers and built some caddywompus shelves from scratch with no planning or measurement, other than that I am really lacking in the experience department for piano restoration. Consequently my friend hand made fly fishing rods, built the rig to do that and downloaded hours of hardcore pornography for me while we were in school together, what a great/talented guy. He had a bit of a temper though, one night when we were coming back from a raucous college party we ran into this girl he was dating and some other dude, Ad-Roc being a quick thinker focused all of his rage onto a tree instead of the guys face. He destroyed his hand and to this day you can see the effects of that night in front of the SUB. Of course he is also the guy that urinated on/in this one guys car in the parking lot, it was a convertible, because the guy had made some snide remarks in an English class Ad-Roc was taking and Ad-Roc was drunk enough to do something about it.
For all the excitement that he and I had, many of our hours of hanging out were spent on the front porch of his house on South Gribble. We were affectionately known as the two retired gentlemen in the CS department. People would come by and sit a while and leave while we rocked away in a couple of chairs that Ad-Roc had made in his spare time, discussing the fact that he thought Henry Rollins was better looking than the guy from Coldplay or I would hve to defned my stance that Dido did not have a gigantic head compared to the rest of her body. Once a guy on a bicycle did some sort of crazy trick and fell on the street in front of his house, of course we laughed at him. For some reason this made the guy walk up to us and ask for a beer, my friend obliged. The guy then proceeded to tell us that he just got out of prison and was trying to find Spanky's Private Club. We pointed him on his way and watched the somewhat inebriated felon teeter down the street. A day after that one of Ad-Roc's roommates car got broken into, she was not happy when we told her about our felonious friend, speculating that it might have been him. I still speak to Ad-Roc from time to time but not as much as we did in college, man do I miss those days...
Just Reminiscing,
Q
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Today is Tuesday and I'll blog if I want to...
I enjoyed the MLK holiday yesterday, I hope everyone else did too. Dagromm and I had good time Madden '07 fun over the weekend. Since, getting my x-box 360 I haven't really been able to enjoy x-box live until now. I think you have to know someone that has a 360 to have the real fun on there, I mean I have played people on there and had my ass handed to me, but getting to play someone I know tops all of the fun time good fun I had before.
So Dagromm and I split our 10 game series, with him playing the Miami Dolphins the most and my teams changing every time. The best game was the Philadelphia Eagles vs. the Carolina Panthers, the Eagles won on a last second TD after Jake Delhomme was intercepted on the 40 and that was returned to the 10, B-Dub was money from that spot. I had one final play, but Jake was picked off again and that ended the game. We played until 4 in the morning on Sunday and then again Sunday night. What a good weekend of doing nothing!
I almost forgot, the West Coast offense is stupid awful. The plays make no sense. There is no hail mary! That is like the first football play you learn, if your catholic right? I was searching and searching for it, it was not there in the west coast offensive scheme. Therefore West Coast Offense = Complete Ass.
Outside Watching,
Q
So Dagromm and I split our 10 game series, with him playing the Miami Dolphins the most and my teams changing every time. The best game was the Philadelphia Eagles vs. the Carolina Panthers, the Eagles won on a last second TD after Jake Delhomme was intercepted on the 40 and that was returned to the 10, B-Dub was money from that spot. I had one final play, but Jake was picked off again and that ended the game. We played until 4 in the morning on Sunday and then again Sunday night. What a good weekend of doing nothing!
I almost forgot, the West Coast offense is stupid awful. The plays make no sense. There is no hail mary! That is like the first football play you learn, if your catholic right? I was searching and searching for it, it was not there in the west coast offensive scheme. Therefore West Coast Offense = Complete Ass.
Outside Watching,
Q
Friday, January 12, 2007
My answers for Fringes
Do you like John Denver? I can't say that I dislike him, but i have never considered myself a fan.
Can you have both Sunshine On My Shoulders and How Long Will They Mourn Me on the same mix CD? I can have many different things on a mix cd so my answer would unoubetly be yes. In my car I have my iPod nano playing through my radio, shuffled. So you might have some Chamillionaire follwed by the croonings of Dwight Yoakam.
Are you good with kids? Very, just ask CyberD.
Can you cook your butt off? Possibly, I have never tried.
Do you know anything about wine and other fine spirits? Not really. Honestly I am not a drinker, so myknowledge of such things is very limited.
Have you ever in your life had boxed wine with a little plastic spigot in your refrigerator? Sadly yes. One of my friends used to drink it often when he was at my house.
Have you ever offered your guests a drink from said spigot? Yes I did not wash dishes that often.
Can you have both Sunshine On My Shoulders and How Long Will They Mourn Me on the same mix CD? I can have many different things on a mix cd so my answer would unoubetly be yes. In my car I have my iPod nano playing through my radio, shuffled. So you might have some Chamillionaire follwed by the croonings of Dwight Yoakam.
Are you good with kids? Very, just ask CyberD.
Can you cook your butt off? Possibly, I have never tried.
Do you know anything about wine and other fine spirits? Not really. Honestly I am not a drinker, so myknowledge of such things is very limited.
Have you ever in your life had boxed wine with a little plastic spigot in your refrigerator? Sadly yes. One of my friends used to drink it often when he was at my house.
Have you ever offered your guests a drink from said spigot? Yes I did not wash dishes that often.
Shoes!
I think that Nike finally got my letters. I have only sent one a day for the past 10 years, asking them to retro the Air Flight. Today, as I scanned the different sections on FinishLine.com I noticed this little gem just waiting for me to take it. Thank you Nike, you are getting more of my money.
Next on my agenda, getting the Air Solo Flight '90 retroed.
Monday, January 08, 2007
My run in with DotCom...
I went to Toys R' Us this weekend to get a gift for me cousin's 10th birthday. There were still a few more items left that he wanted there so I didn't have to be creative with what I would have to purchase at another store. I mean, I don't have the time to search through the isles in Target to find some Kung-Fu Action Man... besides, he wanted a certain action figure and it was only sold at Toys R' Us and it is after all his birthday so I took the time to run down and pick one up for him.
Toys R' Us is great because all the different kinds of toys are arranged in sections by type so you don't have to wander around the store like an idiot looking for something that you have no idea what it's appearance is. You can imagine my surprise when I ran into Dagromm's friend, DotCom.
"How unexpected!" he said in what felt like a half-hearted attempt to sound interested in my reason for being at the local Toys R' Us.
"Not as unexpected as you might think, I..." as I responded I was interrupted when I noticed DotCom was standing there with his thumbs resting in his front belt loops on his chinos and his other four fingers rubbing his pelvic area seedily.
"Uhh..." I paused awkwardly, "What's up?".
"Dude, did you know that TRU is the absolute best place to voyeur some hot-moms?" he quizzed.
"What?" I asked in disbelief.
"Like that one," DotCom sneered, ignoring my last question. He pointed his outstretched arm to a young mother and her toddler as they made their way through the store. The young mother looked over in our direction as DotCom continued to stand there with his index finger aimed at her chest like a sniper tracking its prey. "I would devour the deep expanses of your nether regions!" he called out to her. "I would destroy that," he said to me as he leaned his head sideways toward me and ignoring her fleeing from his presence around the corner and down the Barbie aisle.
"Dude, what's your problem?" I asked.
"You know what the best thing is about these moms?" he asked, still ignoring my questions.
"Seriously dude, I've totally got to go." I attempted to end the conversation before something was said that I might have to later testify about.
"They've got low self esteem, you know, and they really want it" DotCom asserted.
"How do you know?" I queried, now somewhat interested in what he had to say. Watching his eyes I could tell that he was staring down another attractive mother who was pushing her cart through the store with two kids who looked to be under the age of six.
"That's why they come here, they don't..." he was interrupted as he responded. Apparently his son meandering off caught his attention, the little tike insisted on playing with the Thomas the Train set. As much as I wanted to hear the end of his explanation, I began to walk away as I felt it was important to let DotCom practice his exceptional parenting techniques.
"Later." he said he with a head nod.
"You know it." I responded.
Toys R' Us is great because all the different kinds of toys are arranged in sections by type so you don't have to wander around the store like an idiot looking for something that you have no idea what it's appearance is. You can imagine my surprise when I ran into Dagromm's friend, DotCom.
"How unexpected!" he said in what felt like a half-hearted attempt to sound interested in my reason for being at the local Toys R' Us.
"Not as unexpected as you might think, I..." as I responded I was interrupted when I noticed DotCom was standing there with his thumbs resting in his front belt loops on his chinos and his other four fingers rubbing his pelvic area seedily.
"Uhh..." I paused awkwardly, "What's up?".
"Dude, did you know that TRU is the absolute best place to voyeur some hot-moms?" he quizzed.
"What?" I asked in disbelief.
"Like that one," DotCom sneered, ignoring my last question. He pointed his outstretched arm to a young mother and her toddler as they made their way through the store. The young mother looked over in our direction as DotCom continued to stand there with his index finger aimed at her chest like a sniper tracking its prey. "I would devour the deep expanses of your nether regions!" he called out to her. "I would destroy that," he said to me as he leaned his head sideways toward me and ignoring her fleeing from his presence around the corner and down the Barbie aisle.
"Dude, what's your problem?" I asked.
"You know what the best thing is about these moms?" he asked, still ignoring my questions.
"Seriously dude, I've totally got to go." I attempted to end the conversation before something was said that I might have to later testify about.
"They've got low self esteem, you know, and they really want it" DotCom asserted.
"How do you know?" I queried, now somewhat interested in what he had to say. Watching his eyes I could tell that he was staring down another attractive mother who was pushing her cart through the store with two kids who looked to be under the age of six.
"That's why they come here, they don't..." he was interrupted as he responded. Apparently his son meandering off caught his attention, the little tike insisted on playing with the Thomas the Train set. As much as I wanted to hear the end of his explanation, I began to walk away as I felt it was important to let DotCom practice his exceptional parenting techniques.
"Later." he said he with a head nod.
"You know it." I responded.
Friday, January 05, 2007
Re: A bit off topic (an email from CyberD to myself)
I have been having trouble reaching CyberD via email so I thought I would post my response here.
CyberD's original message:
I'll do it for fun but not for money.
CyberD
Q's response:
Sweet, you do some stretching I'll bring the KY and the 12ft water hose.
XOXO
Q
CyberD's original message:
I'll do it for fun but not for money.
CyberD
Q's response:
Sweet, you do some stretching I'll bring the KY and the 12ft water hose.
XOXO
Q
Thursday, January 04, 2007
New Year's Resolutions
I make it a point every year to sit down and think about my resolutions for the upcoming and new year. This year I have come up with several resolutions that I think will help me be a better person.
1. This year I will not objectify women - This act is vile and is one that I have been at fault of many many times over the past few years, or if you are counting approximately 16. Years not times. This act comes in many forms whether it be ogling a woman at the supermarket/department store, spanking the ass of a dirty dirty stripper at the gentleman's club, or just plain despicable thoughts about women that you pass on the street or in your workplace. Well this year I will not do any of these things, I have as of the new year sworn off objectification.
2. This year I will not be sloth like and gluttonous - I vow that this year I am going to quit laying around lazily all day on weekends doing nothing but eating hot dogs and sleeping. This resolution will probably be the easiest for me to ascertain due to my ability to no longer sit still for more than 15 minutes, but it was something that I suffered from last year and I vow to follow through with my resolution.
3. This year I will not buy any 24K gold automobiles - A golden car is one thing that has brought me pleasure in the past and even though I have a new job I am not going to fall into that well that many successful young men such as myself do. Buying a solid gold car is expensive but it is worth every penny, seemingly, though over time the gold oxidizes and wears down it is still a magnificent sight. Well 2007 marks the end of my golden car dreams, I am going to purchase exactly -0- 24K gold cars to drive myself around town in. Mark it down!
4. This year I am not going to fly any commercial airliners - I know what you are thinking and yes I have had a problem with this. Not being a pilot myself it has caused many problems for the FAA when I take the controls of one of those sweet machines. True a license has nothing on experience but 2007 is the year that I will let the licensed pilots take me where I need to go!
5. This year I am going to Measure twice and cut Once - An old standard in carpentry circles. Personally I have never liked the time consuming aspect of this parable. True my shelves might not have ended up wolly gagged and lopsided, but I feel that it gives them character. So in the year Aught-Seven I am going to start measuring twice and using the cutting tool once there after.
6. This year I am not going to pretend to be a hotel room inspector, so that I can strike up conversations with smoking hot broads who may or may not be looking for a good time despite what is written in the stall at the Target department store down the road - You know I am going to go ahead and say that I have this all but wrapped up as a successful resolution since I sold my hotel room inspector's uniform. Well you still have to write these things down or you can't hold yourself accountable.
7. No more party in my pants jokes - As funny as they may be I am swearing off of them for good. They tend to make people uncomfortable and cause others to slap you when used when referencing them. Well no more in 2007.
Those were my resolutions for 2007 and I hope to be successful in my attempts to better myself. I also hope that the bettering of myself rubs off on my friends CyberD, Dagromm and Gyuss.
Good Luck to me and go 2007!
1. This year I will not objectify women - This act is vile and is one that I have been at fault of many many times over the past few years, or if you are counting approximately 16. Years not times. This act comes in many forms whether it be ogling a woman at the supermarket/department store, spanking the ass of a dirty dirty stripper at the gentleman's club, or just plain despicable thoughts about women that you pass on the street or in your workplace. Well this year I will not do any of these things, I have as of the new year sworn off objectification.
2. This year I will not be sloth like and gluttonous - I vow that this year I am going to quit laying around lazily all day on weekends doing nothing but eating hot dogs and sleeping. This resolution will probably be the easiest for me to ascertain due to my ability to no longer sit still for more than 15 minutes, but it was something that I suffered from last year and I vow to follow through with my resolution.
3. This year I will not buy any 24K gold automobiles - A golden car is one thing that has brought me pleasure in the past and even though I have a new job I am not going to fall into that well that many successful young men such as myself do. Buying a solid gold car is expensive but it is worth every penny, seemingly, though over time the gold oxidizes and wears down it is still a magnificent sight. Well 2007 marks the end of my golden car dreams, I am going to purchase exactly -0- 24K gold cars to drive myself around town in. Mark it down!
4. This year I am not going to fly any commercial airliners - I know what you are thinking and yes I have had a problem with this. Not being a pilot myself it has caused many problems for the FAA when I take the controls of one of those sweet machines. True a license has nothing on experience but 2007 is the year that I will let the licensed pilots take me where I need to go!
5. This year I am going to Measure twice and cut Once - An old standard in carpentry circles. Personally I have never liked the time consuming aspect of this parable. True my shelves might not have ended up wolly gagged and lopsided, but I feel that it gives them character. So in the year Aught-Seven I am going to start measuring twice and using the cutting tool once there after.
6. This year I am not going to pretend to be a hotel room inspector, so that I can strike up conversations with smoking hot broads who may or may not be looking for a good time despite what is written in the stall at the Target department store down the road - You know I am going to go ahead and say that I have this all but wrapped up as a successful resolution since I sold my hotel room inspector's uniform. Well you still have to write these things down or you can't hold yourself accountable.
7. No more party in my pants jokes - As funny as they may be I am swearing off of them for good. They tend to make people uncomfortable and cause others to slap you when used when referencing them. Well no more in 2007.
Those were my resolutions for 2007 and I hope to be successful in my attempts to better myself. I also hope that the bettering of myself rubs off on my friends CyberD, Dagromm and Gyuss.
Good Luck to me and go 2007!
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
I am Superman!
Your results:
You are Superman
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You are Superman
| You are mild-mannered, good-strong and you love others with extreme force. |
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