Monday, January 22, 2007

In the den of iniquity there are still monks...


I went to visit CyberD and Lil' Magnum this weekend at Casa de CyberD.


His butler answered the door, "Master Q, may I take your coat?".

"No, I am not wearing one", I replied as he touched me in a way that I felt was inappropriate.


He asked if I would like to see CyberD or if I would be needing to use the water closet. Still shocked from his previous actions, I told him that I would need to use the facilities. Little did I know that he would stand and watch me whilst I was partaking of the exquisite craftsmanship of CyberD Manor. When I was done, he washed my hands, nether region and neck, and then caressed my hands with lotion.


Finally I was allowed entrance to the main hall of CyberD's abode. CyberD was sitting in a large leather highback with a pipe in his left hand and the tape from his ticker tape machine in his right. Lil' Magnum was laying in the floor balancing his checkbook. CyberD offered me a monogrammed smoking jacket like the ones that he and magnum were wearing, I refused. I am not much of a smoker. I asked him why wasn't Mags watching some TV or something. Both he and Magnum burst into laughter as if I had just told the most amusing story ever. I was serious, Lil' Magnum is only 2 most 2 year olds play with toys and what not or watch TV. Once they recovered from hysteria, they offered me some breakfast. It was maybe the best eggs Benedict I ever eaten. After breakfast, Lord CyberD, as he asked to be referred to from this point on, put down Lil' magnum for his afternoon nap on a king size bed with mahogany headboard in possibly the most ornate bedroom I have ever seen for a child.


He is my heir Lord CyberD said as he noticed me looking around the room in awe. When CyberD's first born son was asleep he asked if I wanted to maybe play a game, chess, bridge, canasta, soggy biscuit..."What" I asked.

"Canasta?" he responded quizically.

"No, soggy biscuit."

"Oh that is a little game I learned in college" Lord CyberD enlightened me.

We can get my chef to make a batch of biscuits if you want.

"Sure" I said, not really knowing what I was getting myself into.


After the biscuits were cooked, the chef brought one to us on a plate that was made in the 1800's in England, a very rare specimen I was informed. I am not much of an antiquer so I can't help a whole lot with a description. The butler informed CyberD that he would like to participate, apparently he knew what this game was. I felt ignorant, even the butler knows. How did I not have any clue what this game was, I love games. I own a bunch of them. Well let me just say that this game is unlike any I have ever played, as was evident when Lord CyberD asked if I needed and aids.

"Aids for what?" I asked.

"The game, silly" he retorted as if to imply my stupidity.

"I guess not" I heard myself utter as the shock set in. At this point Lord CyberD and his butler were undoing their pants and positioning themselves over the plated biscuit.

I was at a complete loss, how to get out of this mess.

"There is no way I can play right now CyberD"

"Lord CyberD" he interrupted.

"Yeah, sorry Lord CyberD. I did that on my way here"


It came out before I could think about what I was thinking, I am not good on the fly, as was evident by my statement. "I understand, I do that on my way to the office every day" Lord CyberD remarked, apparently not thinking that I don't have a driver to carry me to the office like he does.


I came up with an excuse to get out of there, before any mental images could be burned in. CyberD said he was sad to see me go, but I am welcome back anytime. "Thanks" I yelled, as I ran to my car.

13 comments:

Nate said...

on this coast, this game has the alternative name:

Ookie Cookie

I never play it with less than 10 people.

fringes said...

Too late. The mental images are burned in for me. Excuse me while I claw my eyes out. It burns, it burns.

Dagromm said...

You didn't ask him who the intramural champ was did you?
......that's right...(stands back with hands on my hips like Superman)

Nate said...

Fringes,

If this does not repulse you, but golly you've made it onto the short list of ladies I'd let Q get to know better.

If you and the Q ever get together, I'd like to offer my services to look after Little Man for an evening.

Q said...

Sorry I forgot to mention that Dagromm was intramural soggy biscuit champion. I also forgot to give others credit in their respective fields of expertise. CyberD was the intramural queso champion. Gyuss was the intramural Hide and go Seek champion. I am the reigning intramural GrabAss champion. Sports!

fringes said...

Awwwwww...Gyuss, thanks for the offer. Small problem. Q has yet to ask me for a date.

Nate said...

Q,

Don't forget the Baker Hall drop-the-soap championship. Winner and still champion!

Cyber D said...

What a bold faced lie. My first suggestion was not Canasta. It was Risk.

Q said...

I believe your exact words were "Anal Risk, Just kidding, unless your interested, then I'll get the game board and painters tarp", then you said canasta

Dagromm said...

I think he was just warning you that he was an AIDS risk. His lawyer said that if he slipped that in then he would absolve himself of legal responsibility,

Cyber D said...

Wow, butlers, drivers, lawyers... you guys really paint a wealthy picture... to bad it's not true... except for the AIDS bit... I'm glad that's not true.

Q said...

A man of means like yourself, CyberD, has no reason to be modest.

Nate said...

Q,

I believe Fringes has extended what we in the love business call: a hint