So I went to see my grandmother today. Normally this is not that big of a deal except that grandmother-Q is in a nursing/old folks home. These places are always sad to me, but now they are even more so because when I go there I see my grandmother as a tired, drugged up, old woman.
I know that she is 90 years old, but when she was at her home 3 months ago she did not look this bad. I also know that when she was in the hospital for a bout with anemia 2 months ago she did not look this bad. Another thing that I am certain of is that she does not want to be there one bit.
My father and I have had this discussion before and he wants her home too. When she is at her home my Dad has to take care of her, there are nurses that come and stay with her at night and cook and clean her and for her. My Dad basically takes her out for rides in the truck, so she is not couped up in the house all day and does the things like grocery shopping and the like. My Aunt for some reason wants her in this "home", and will not sign off on letting her come to her real home.
At 90, I have come to the realization that I will not get to have her around for that many more years, which is why I go by to see her as much as I can. I admit it is more inconvenient for me to drive where she is now as opposed to her being close by, but I make the trek at least once a week to stop by and see her. This is not about me though, it is about what they do to old people in these places.
Why do they give the sedatives? To make it easier on them, or to make it easier on the employees, who knows. What I am sure of is that I am tired of going to see my grandmother and having her tell me these outlandish stories about what these people do to her. I know that she is not abused there but she wants to come home, that is why she makes this stuff up. It is why she cries when I tell her I need to leave and I can't take her with me. I want to, so much, but I do not have any say in where she lives. I tell her that but she doesn't understand so she cries, it hurts my insides because she has done so much for me throughout my life and now I am unable to do anything for her. I guess my Dad and I will keep trying to talk my aunt into letting her come home, maybe one day we will get lucky and she will give in. I love you Mimi, I know you can't read this but I just wanted it out there. Sorry to get serious on everyone, I just needed to get that out.
Luckily tonight I got to talk to Fringes and that brightened up my afternoon/night...Thanks Fringes
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First time reader and commenter. Found my way here via fringes, but don't let that be the ONLY reason you ban her. Everyone deserves a third chance after all. Anyways, this post struck a bit of a cord with me. I went through very much that same thing about two years ago. It was enough for me to decide I have little or no interest in living to be that old. Keep working on your aunt is all I can suggest. Perhaps break it down for here as to HOW it can work and set up a schedule. For instance, you have and care for your grandmother on tuesdays and wednesdays, your aunt on friday and saturdays, and your dad on the other days. I am not sure how feasible that is, but it is an idea. Maybe if your aunt sees she won't be 'going it alone' she will be more reasonable. Anyways, just wanted to say hello.
BD
I went to visit my grandma the last time that I was home. When did she get so short? When did she start needing to hold the handrail in the hallway to walk? And when did she start talking about politics?
The hardest part of being married at the holidays is trying to decide who's grand parents to visit. We're at that age that every Christmas may be the last one, and there's always a little bit of guilt at visiting the other ones.
Hey there...just want to send good thoughts your way about your grandma. Like BD said, keep working on your aunt (we all have one of those). If all else fails, grandma-nap her. I'll come help if I get to wear a black turtleneck and use a walkie-talkie.
BrilliantDonkey - Thanks for stopping by, and thanks for the advice. One thing that I will add is that my aunt only comes to see my grandmother once a week at best, she is a busy woman nail appointments, parties, dinners and other social events she just doesn't have the time to come up to visit much less take care of her. My Dad doesn't mind taking care of her, he just can't do it 24 hours a day, so we found these nice nurses that will stay at night and come during the day. They work in shifts so they don't get burned out, they are really nice and hard working I really can't say enough about them. I go down normally on Saturdays and Sundays to give my Dad a break when she was at home, he loves to play dominoes so I go down so he can go do that. The worst part is that my grandmother worked and saved money all her life so she would not have to go into a home, she used to tell us that. But the money that is supposed to be used for that is my aunt's inheritance, so she doesn't want any of it spent. She has also tried to sell my grandmother's house, also her inheritance, luckily she and my Dad are co-in charge of her estate people, the word escapes me right now, so he has to sign off on it too.
Thanks for the offer Fringes...If we did try to grandma-nap her I would imagine an elaborate scheme that is very similar to the movie Sneakers, except that I don't know Robert Redford or Dan Akroyd or Sydney Poitier(sp.?) so I would need many people familiar with that movie to help.
And to help with the problem you mentioned on your blog, start setting parts of his house on fire, just little fires in random spots. Then start telling him that you heard that the house was haunted that is why you bought the one you are in instead of that one. He will probably either call the ghostbusters or move out.
Mist1 - I think as you get taller they just look shorter, but I guess the more time you are subjected to gravity the shorter you'll get right...Mine doesn't use the handrail, she has this pvc device that looks like some sort of exoskeleton with wheels on the bottom she uses to scoot around...Mine doesn't talk about politics she talks about secret passages under the old schoolhouse in the little town by her house where she grew up, I guess I am lucky in that respect...
Gyuss - that is a hard decision, I still go see both of mine at Christmas, but when/if I ever get married I would imagine those types of decisions would be hard ones.
Q: When you see fringes tell her I said re: history in jamaica
"let the HD talk go!" grrrr
BD
BD, Donald Trump has way more than I will ever have. Go be mad at him instead. Let me have my witty bitty TV in peace.
A serious Q..wow.
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