Gordon Keith's Halloween Cards if you missed them.

Dear Halloween friend,
I am trying to come up with some new Halloween traditions and need your help. Has anyone ever thought of stapling your head repeatedly to a wall.
Gordon
P.S. Leave a message if I’m not home.

Dear Accommodating Halloween aquaintance,
Tonight when the sun goes down do me a favor, tie yourself up, it will save me time, and foreplay.
Gordon

Hey Guaranteed Halloween lover,
Let’s sneak into a graveyard tonight. Your shallow grave will blend in better there.
Gordon

Hey there Witchy witchy witch witch,
Do me a favor, swallow this diamond. I will come over in about twelve hours to get it back.
Gordon

Hey Pumpkin Head,
You know how I know we will be together tonight? Because I know how to jimmy a lock. Take precautions and you die.
Gordon
PS. Just kidding.
P.P.S I’m not kidding. Look out..

Dear end of October Surprise ghoul,
I am am making out my materials list for your family’s Halloween Party tonight. So far I have- a box full of condoms and heart full of revenge. Am I missing anything?
Gordon
P.S. Oh yes. The Bone saw.

Dear Autumn Interrogative answerer,
Question: What is the best thing to come out of a bucket of cheap wine? Answer: The courage to saw out your spine.
Gordon

To my special Halloween kitten,
Halloween always triggers my imagination. Just like my body will trigger your gag reflex.
Gordon

Dear costumed Fall friend,
What do you plan on doing when the clock strikes midnight? Me? I will be trying to hold the gun steady as I watch you cry and perform an unconvincing striptease.
Gordon

Hey Halloween Scare Scare,
I bought some eyelid retractors, want to know why? I want you to look me in the eyes when the virus passes into you.
Your generous friend,
Gordon

Dear Halloweiner,
What do you do when you love someone so much that it makes you want to kill them? I send them a card. Happy Halloween.
Gordon

Just cleaning out my picture closet of all of the

pictures that I wanted to post on my blog. Here is sweet Karolina at her costume party, you can thank me later.

CyberD I know you love this guy...

but he has something crazy going on with his eyes in this picture. Ects?

Dallas Comic Con '06 Greatness!

Musetta Vander

Two guys walk into a bar, separately, and have a seat at the bar.

One guy notices the other has a black eye, just like himself.

“Hey buddy, how’d you get your shiner?”

“Well, I was at the train station, and the ticket girl was fuckin’ hot. And instead of two tickets to Pittsburg, I slipped and said ‘two PICKets to TITTsburg’ and she hit me square in the face. How about you? How’d you get yours?”

“Something similar actually! I was just having dinner with my wife, and what I MEANT to say was, ‘Honey, can you please pass the peas?’ But I slipped up and said “You fucking bitch you ruined my life!”

So I have recently gotten into this IM stuff and...

Here is a transcript of a recent conversation I had.

Jen22: Hey there Q. I liked your post about Texas-OU weekend

The_Q: Thanks! you sound pretty hot

Jen22: My boyfriend seems to think so.

The_Q: Hows about sending me a pic, preferebly naked or bloody

Jen22: here it is. This is me holding my youngest at his christening last month.

The_Q: Fantastic, what a nice rack you have. Too bad that baby is in the way. Here's a pic of me.

Jen22: ... well, I like your back yard. Is that a ball gag in your mouth? I take it it was cold that day?

The_Q: Thanks for the compliments. That's a lamp I'm using on myself. Wanna meet up later and screw?

Jen22: Actually, NO

The_Q: really? what about just some oral?

Jen22: I don't think you understood me.

The_Q: ok, ok, what about some lunch?

Jen22: I just ate, besides I think I just lost my appetite.

The_Q: did you eat it real hard for me?

Jen22: Again, I don't think you understood me.

The_Q: EMPDAGROMM

Jen22: What?

The_Q: Easing My Pants Down And Gently Rubbing On My Manhood

Jen22: OMG you are a Sicko! I am contacting the admins

The_Q: Please don't! I am so sorry! I misunderstood! You sounded like you were totally getting into it.

Effing Brilliant!

Vicious!

Check out this guys sidewalk art it is really neat. It is a 2-d drawing that when viewed from certain angles appears 3-d. Don't worry Dagromm the site is safe for work.

http://rense.com/general67/street.htm

Interactive Blog Topic #1: The Top 10 Football Movies

Here is the list that I came up with in no particular order:
1. Any Given Sunday - LL Cool J, Cocaine, Lawrence Taylor, Steamin' Willie Beamen and Cameron Diaz; Does it get any better than that.
2. Varsity Blues - Texas High School Football at it's best
3. Friday Night Lights - Texas High School Football at it's worst
4. Rudy - Just a good movie, Dan Devine
5. The Program - Halle Berry and Kristy Swanson in one movie, I love America!
6. Radio - Ed Harris's crowning achievment in acting.
7. Necessary Roughness - Scott Bakula, Kathy Ireland and Jason Bateman with an All-Star cast like that how could you go wrong
8. Lucas - A young nerdy boy hopes to gain acceptance in a high school by not backing down against the school bullies, attempting to make the football team and by befriending a new popular girl. His life is complicated when he falls in love with her while she falls in love with his protector, the school football star, in this sensitive and true portrayal of growing up.
9. Remember the Titans - It has Hayden Panatiere in it so it has to be good.
10. All the Right Moves - Tom Cruise and Lea Thompson before they hit it big.

Yep I'm Addicted

Your Birthdate: May 18

You are a cohesive force - able to bring many people together for a common cause. You tend to excel in work situations, but you also facilitate a lot of social gatherings too. Beyond being a good leader, you are good at inspiring others. You also keep your powerful emotions in check - you know when to emote and when to repress. Your strength: Emotional maturity beyond your years Your weakness: Wearing yourself down with too many responsibilities Your power color: Crimson red Your power symbol: Snowflake Your power month: September

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

Your Personality Is Like Marijuana

You're laid back and easy going, so much so that taking a shower is often too much trouble for you! Nevertheless, you're quite popular, and many people enjoy your company. You're rarely turned down. You're prone to giggle fits, paranoia, and forgetting where you are exactly.

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

You Are a Pegasus

You are a perfectionist, with an eye for beauty. You know how to live a good life - and you rarely deviate from your good taste. While you aren't outgoing, you have excellent social skills. People both admire you - and feel very comfortable around you.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 45% Conservative, 55% Liberal

Social Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

I just love these things!

Your Hair Should Be Orange

Expressive, deep, and one of a kind. You pull off "weird" well - hardly anyone notices.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

Here's an interesting blog I ran across.

http://fiufootball.blogspot.com/

The Suicide Picture.

Why does Owen Wilson keep having to show me how much better he is than me? This dude is living the dream while I toil away in mediocrity, I really hate him. I do however love Wedding Crashers and Zoolander and The Royal Tennebaums which is why this is so hard for me. How does he get these ladies? I am pretty sure I am more deserving than he is, I mean he gets to bang the "broads", as he calls them, all the time, which is a lot more than me I assure you. He probably doesn't even know their names nor does he care. I on the other hand would know their names, addresses, parents names, family medical history, etc. I am very thorough. I would also make sweet love to them with a genuine colt 45 pointed at their head, I mean who doesn't like a little excitement, I know I do. Seriously Owen if you somehow make it to my blog can I hang out with you for a night or two? I only want your castoffs.

P.S. - I loved Bottle Rocket.

Everybody Needs to Check Out Her Blog!

PensiveGirl She has a great blog and I think I love her. Sadly though she is married and lives far away from me. She is the one on the right, the girl on the left is her sister. Everyone enjoy her blog it is fantastic!

It's Pantsoff Danceoff!

So I was watching the telly the other day and came across a show called Pants off Dance off and it was hosted by Jodie Sweten or as most of us know her Stephanie Tanner from full house. I said before that she would be the best looking of the 3 TV siblings and boy was I right. The Olsen twins who Dagromm called (way too early) are gaunt and skinny, DJ is plump and short but sweet Steph is very fine and buxom. I googled her and ran across a couple of stories about her marrying a cop and getting hooked on meth but with her current figure I cannot imagine her using any sort of narcotic. So in closing I would like to say that I would totally hit it and might even do it twice.

It's Texas-OU Weekend and the Professor was very busy

So I was in the "plex" gettin' my rave on, and making some extra cheddar. When a gentleman came up and asked what I had. I replied, "any thing you want" though I am not sure how easily it was to understand me what with the pacifier and all. After a minute or so of elbow flailing and awkward touching he fell under my spell and purchased some of my wares. In the back of my mind I could not help but feel that I new this man, he was older and looked to be in his late 50's, not your normal bubble dancing party goer. So he slid me the cash and sashayed away into the soapy darkness. A few hours later he came back up to me and thanked me for the "High" quality goods, and bought some more. This shindig was getting kind of lame and he said he was heading to another blowout about 20 miles out of town, he invited me along. I obliged and went to the Tahoe to refill my stock and off we went. Now normally showing up to a rave with the Professor will get you some tail, or at least arrested, but this time people seemed to know who this guy was and were ignoring me. Once again that is abnormal even when I am not wearing an over sized diaper and a bib; this time it was weird people would walk up to him and get an autograph, several times people got pictures with a knife up to his throat. Normally, I am in for a little blade play and this time was no different, I was seriously gettin' my rave on at this point, my spine was just reaching jello. So the ladies were flocking and P-X was ready and waiting with roofies in hand. Somehow my seemingly famous new friend had acquired 4 sexy bitches and offered to share for another hit, reluctantly I agreed. So off to his hotel we went though the 3-1 split was not what I had envisioned but not at all worth a verbal complaint. When we arrived in his suite, he obviously took the bedroom and allowed me free run of the rest. After the best 7.5 minutes of this young lady's life I was able to snoop around to figure out who this middle aged stud was. He apparently heard me rummaging and opened his door and said "How about a tag team mate?" . Then it dawned on me this was the one and only Crocodile Dundee, eagerly I shouted "fuck yeah", how many times can a person have group sex with a movie star? This is where everything began to go down hill, I am not sure how they do it in Australia but sex in the USA does not usually involve anal, for the males. I am out numbered, blindfolded and completely terrified at this point. After about 2o minutes you go completely numb so it was only the worst half an hour of my life even though the sex lasted for hours. I will also never forget the drunken yells of "That's not a strap-on this is a strap-on"...Seriously this never happened and I have never met Paul Hogan, but UT won and it is almost the same thing as getting anally penetrated...I have heard...Seriously, I have not ever done...I hate you...Professor OUT!

I got a revolver in my right hand; 40 oz in my lap, freezing my balls

So I was thinking the other day about how money equates to work, and I came up with a theory that all work for money exchanges are equal. So if a guy works at McDonalds making 5.50 an hour while I go to college technically I am at a negative in my work/money equation, which is why when I graduate I can earn more than he does. Some people just stumble into money but somewhere along the way that money was worked for.
My problem is how to equate knowledge and work for purposes of determining intellegence needed for a job instead of brute force or menial labor. Oh well I guess that will be another day. CyberD feel free to comment on this since you are schooled in the ways of buisness.

Love,
Q