Gordon Keith's Halloween Cards if you missed them.

Dear Halloween friend,
I am trying to come up with some new Halloween traditions and need your help. Has anyone ever thought of stapling your head repeatedly to a wall.
Gordon
P.S. Leave a message if I’m not home.

Dear Accommodating Halloween aquaintance,
Tonight when the sun goes down do me a favor, tie yourself up, it will save me time, and foreplay.
Gordon

Hey Guaranteed Halloween lover,
Let’s sneak into a graveyard tonight. Your shallow grave will blend in better there.
Gordon

Hey there Witchy witchy witch witch,
Do me a favor, swallow this diamond. I will come over in about twelve hours to get it back.
Gordon

Hey Pumpkin Head,
You know how I know we will be together tonight? Because I know how to jimmy a lock. Take precautions and you die.
Gordon
PS. Just kidding.
P.P.S I’m not kidding. Look out..

Dear end of October Surprise ghoul,
I am am making out my materials list for your family’s Halloween Party tonight. So far I have- a box full of condoms and heart full of revenge. Am I missing anything?
Gordon
P.S. Oh yes. The Bone saw.

Dear Autumn Interrogative answerer,
Question: What is the best thing to come out of a bucket of cheap wine? Answer: The courage to saw out your spine.
Gordon

To my special Halloween kitten,
Halloween always triggers my imagination. Just like my body will trigger your gag reflex.
Gordon

Dear costumed Fall friend,
What do you plan on doing when the clock strikes midnight? Me? I will be trying to hold the gun steady as I watch you cry and perform an unconvincing striptease.
Gordon

Hey Halloween Scare Scare,
I bought some eyelid retractors, want to know why? I want you to look me in the eyes when the virus passes into you.
Your generous friend,
Gordon

Dear Halloweiner,
What do you do when you love someone so much that it makes you want to kill them? I send them a card. Happy Halloween.
Gordon