So I was in the "plex" gettin' my rave on, and making some extra cheddar. When a gentleman came up and asked what I had. I replied, "any thing you want" though I am not sure how easily it was to understand me what with the pacifier and all. After a minute or so of elbow flailing and awkward touching he fell under my spell and purchased some of my wares. In the back of my mind I could not help but feel that I new this man, he was older and looked to be in his late 50's, not your normal bubble dancing party goer. So he slid me the cash and sashayed away into the soapy darkness. A few hours later he came back up to me and thanked me for the "High" quality goods, and bought some more. This shindig was getting kind of lame and he said he was heading to another blowout about 20 miles out of town, he invited me along. I obliged and went to the Tahoe to refill my stock and off we went. Now normally showing up to a rave with the Professor will get you some tail, or at least arrested, but this time people seemed to know who this guy was and were ignoring me. Once again that is abnormal even when I am not wearing an over sized diaper and a bib; this time it was weird people would walk up to him and get an autograph, several times people got pictures with a knife up to his throat. Normally, I am in for a little blade play and this time was no different, I was seriously gettin' my rave on at this point, my spine was just reaching jello. So the ladies were flocking and P-X was ready and waiting with roofies in hand. Somehow my seemingly famous new friend had acquired 4 sexy bitches and offered to share for another hit, reluctantly I agreed. So off to his hotel we went though the 3-1 split was not what I had envisioned but not at all worth a verbal complaint. When we arrived in his suite, he obviously took the bedroom and allowed me free run of the rest. After the best 7.5 minutes of this young lady's life I was able to snoop around to figure out who this middle aged stud was. He apparently heard me rummaging and opened his door and said "How about a tag team mate?" . Then it dawned on me this was the one and only Crocodile Dundee, eagerly I shouted "fuck yeah", how many times can a person have group sex with a movie star? This is where everything began to go down hill, I am not sure how they do it in Australia but sex in the USA does not usually involve anal, for the males. I am out numbered, blindfolded and completely terrified at this point. After about 2o minutes you go completely numb so it was only the worst half an hour of my life even though the sex lasted for hours. I will also never forget the drunken yells of "That's not a strap-on this is a strap-on"...Seriously this never happened and I have never met Paul Hogan, but UT won and it is almost the same thing as getting anally penetrated...I have heard...Seriously, I have not ever done...I hate you...Professor OUT!
8 comments:
um....I'm glad you're ok?
Depends on your definition of ok, but thanks!
Wow... that was greatness...or not.
I don't believe the story. I'm not saying that you weren't sodomized by Paul Hogan. That might be true, but if he went in for seconds, his dick would be a pale comparisson of its former glory and he'd be laughed out of the business. Now, obviously I'm basing this on Crocodile Dundee 2, but I think it's a safe assumption.
I wasn't i admitted as much at the end of the story. If I were going to get sodomized by the greatness of Mick Dundee I would have at least had pictures. It was merely a fictional story that chronicled my feelings of the Texas-OU game as it happened and my body's vile reaction to its outcome. Thanks for reading! And as far as CD1 vs. CD2 you are dead on, speaking of which have you seen the new Rocky Balboa trailer?
Hmmm...no haven't seen the new Rocky. I can only say that I've heard about it. I've heard that it has the same plot as Fight Club except that in the end, it isn't some weird postmodern commentary on the ethos of aseticsm as just another fad but rather Tyler Durdan is a product of Alzheimers, and is named Mickey. I am curious why you bring it up though. Is Mick Dundee in it? I hope so, it would be good for him to finally get some work... outside of porn.
I was just comparing the quality degrade of CD1 -> CD2 with the degrade of the Rocky series now they are on Rocky 5'ish which it looks like will be a quality film. Mick "The Crocodile Hunter" Dundee was in porn? i haven't seen it and believe me I watch ALOT of porn. Just to clarrify ALOT = more than alot.
I think this same degrading theory can be applied to other movies as well. Look at the Matrix movies. By the time you got to the third one it became a Mick Dundee like painful experience. Now I don't know the formula to figure the chemical half life for movie quality degradation, but think about the Star Wars movies and the way those have fallen apart. I mean he first one was ok. It had Jar Jar and everything was ok, but by the end of it all you had Ewoks and the whole experiment had gone terribly awry.
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